I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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