If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize