Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
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I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
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Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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