Betty ford says i'm here all night
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
foreskin is a definite game changer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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