Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize