Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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