I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
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He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
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Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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