i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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