I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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