i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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