im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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