when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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