What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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