i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
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We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
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The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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