Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Is it because I queefed?
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Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
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Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize