I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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