yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It's official drugs can't kill me
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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