I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize