so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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