my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize