Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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