doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
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He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
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He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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