he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
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I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
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Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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