Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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