The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize