No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
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Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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