I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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