a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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