Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize