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Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
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