i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
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just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
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He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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