Michael Bay diarrhea
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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