Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize