I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize