oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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