Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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