I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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