just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize