Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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