Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
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The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
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if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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