i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
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I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
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You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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