no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
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So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize