I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize