When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
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