I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she told me i tasted like america
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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