remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
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Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
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My dad just said "fuck circus"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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