I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
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She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
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Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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