Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
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I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
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Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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