"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
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He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
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I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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