i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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