I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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